There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
