I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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