I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
