My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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