Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
