Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
