Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
