I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
