her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
