so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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