Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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