Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
