I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
