I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
