I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
