My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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