Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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