I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My cat gives me a boner
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The uberlube is also flammable
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
