i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
