Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ttyl tear gas
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
