It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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