your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
