I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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