In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
