I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
