Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
