so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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