Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
