party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
