we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
