I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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