my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
