I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
