I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize