Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
