i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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