you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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