3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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