i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize