the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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