Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Quick, to the slutcave!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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