Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
