All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
