do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
