he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
