Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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