This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
