when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he thought i was a dude.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
