Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize