He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Drake has all the answers
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
