well I can't set my house on fire every night
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
