just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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