so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
