I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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