the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
