It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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