she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
