its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
