Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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