hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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