I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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