We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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