bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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