there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
