I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
