K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
