At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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