the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
