oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize