butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
