omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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