I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize