that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
we should paint friendship bongs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
