Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
