at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
