It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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