I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
