can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
