Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
